i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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