my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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