Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
