I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
