Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
