well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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