she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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