Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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