I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
