I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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