Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
