I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
