life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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