Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
