I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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