oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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