Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
