everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
