Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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