I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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