there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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