I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
