i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
