felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
