I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
