saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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