We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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