bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
