Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
