im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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