did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
