Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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