ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
ok first of all what the fuck
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
