i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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