My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
