This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
