can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
