I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
