But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
