Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
