my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
