He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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