So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
