had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
