Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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