I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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