Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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