Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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