you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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