i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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