Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage