i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.