i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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