put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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