We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
