i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Holy shit dude........stairs
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
