And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
