He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
