I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
