don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
