You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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