I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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