I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
