I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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