I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
