Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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