I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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