I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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