I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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