he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
