he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
