Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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