so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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